When I don’t get frustrated or simply wake up with the buzz of low sugar level and insulin shock, certain physical conditions are evident. Keep in mind that this is not a comprehensive list of all symptoms that can occur, but the physical symptoms that usually hit me.
If I have eaten within a few hours of the sugar level dropping, one of the first physical symptoms is flatulence. I control this when I can, but that’s not always comfortably possible. What I ate makes no difference. This does not happen when my stomach is bare empty. This effect happens most often when the sugar drops due to increased physical activity rather than just not having eaten enough.
I will get tingly, especially in hands and feet, an itchy hot feeling.
I get hot and usually sweat. This is often the first symptom to subside with food as blood goes to the belly. I normally get cold after eating if it is under about 60 degrees F or less, and things have been that way since the 1990s.
I get weak and light headed. These days, this aspect will include vertigo. As some of the medications I am on and the eye problems themselves can cause vertigo, I am not sure to what extent the change in Wal-Mart’s ReliOn Insulin causes this specific problem.
Generalized shakiness will overcome me. More often than not, motor control diminishes.
There is a panic sense of urgency. When the sugar starts to fall I can put off resolution, but once a critical level is reached nothing can distract from the need. At advanced stages of low sugar, this does not become a short temper issue, but an exclusive focus on eating to ignorance of all other factors. I totally disconnect from anything else until the blood sugar levels rise.
Overall, it is a very weak and vulnerable feeling.
I have never had fainting spells or passed out due to the sugar being low. This may very well be because the sugar drop is typically a relative fall to where my sugar had been rather than a sheer drop to a home meter test number of 70 or less. While working on trying to get the numbers down last summer, I often let the low sugar feelings stretch out. That did not seem to work. Even as I felt everything was lower, the A1C remained high. There’s been considerable drug interaction in the past ten months, and my disabilities have had other effects that I should have anticipated....
Saturday, October 27, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
Relative Lows
In talking about the feelings of low sugar, I need to put out the reminder that with my system, it is a matter of relative lows. My numbers run consistently high, but almost daily I feel the effects of lower-than-it-should-be levels. These hit me at home meter testing numbers that would suggest it impossible for me to have low sugar or insulin shock sensations.
In feeling out symptoms over the past twenty years and more, I operated on not letting myself feel high. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, and more importantly, all the complications of sugar come from the sugar being too high. To me, a daily low was a good sign overall.
Most often, the low hits when the first spurt of time release insulin kicks in, usually three to four hours after taking the morning dose. I have found this to be an almost unavoidable and inescapable part of the day, whether twenty years ago or today. I used to take my coffee with extra sugar just to beef up against the coming low. These days I will try to eat full meals; a truly full meal will overcompensate, making the sugar feel higher for a short time, even more than the sugared coffee ever did. Eating in short grazing spurts often will not fully ward against the coming low, and has the effect of expanding the stomach. When eating multiple small meals as a diabetic should, I am usually hungry all day. The likelihood of overeating at one of those multiple mealtimes increases.
The many meal day is difficult to follow through with. I’m almost always home now, but the preparation of six meals a day can absorb enough time that nothing else gets done. A day with errands can completely shatter the plan. Especially with other people always driving, there is an unstated pressure to get done what the help is helping with, to the expense of following meal planning. In working times, this was often more difficult, because everyone wants any "perk" granted to someone else for whatever reason.
A busier or more physical workday than normal can also wreak havoc into the blood sugar balance. The unexpected exertions will absorb the food intake faster and leave the body wanting. Supervisors or coworkers can be very quick to raise speculation of laziness when the body’s reserves get used up and further nourishment is required. Whether working low end or respectable jobs, I always gave everything I had when I had it. This almost never seemed enough to compensate for genuine times of need. Too often, the end result was political workplace failings. Too often, I would push past the physical limitations, which exposed the psychological failings of the condition. This has cost me several jobs over the years. The best recourse was to work independently whenever possible, so I could surge ahead when able and recharge when necessary.
In feeling out symptoms over the past twenty years and more, I operated on not letting myself feel high. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, and more importantly, all the complications of sugar come from the sugar being too high. To me, a daily low was a good sign overall.
Most often, the low hits when the first spurt of time release insulin kicks in, usually three to four hours after taking the morning dose. I have found this to be an almost unavoidable and inescapable part of the day, whether twenty years ago or today. I used to take my coffee with extra sugar just to beef up against the coming low. These days I will try to eat full meals; a truly full meal will overcompensate, making the sugar feel higher for a short time, even more than the sugared coffee ever did. Eating in short grazing spurts often will not fully ward against the coming low, and has the effect of expanding the stomach. When eating multiple small meals as a diabetic should, I am usually hungry all day. The likelihood of overeating at one of those multiple mealtimes increases.
The many meal day is difficult to follow through with. I’m almost always home now, but the preparation of six meals a day can absorb enough time that nothing else gets done. A day with errands can completely shatter the plan. Especially with other people always driving, there is an unstated pressure to get done what the help is helping with, to the expense of following meal planning. In working times, this was often more difficult, because everyone wants any "perk" granted to someone else for whatever reason.
A busier or more physical workday than normal can also wreak havoc into the blood sugar balance. The unexpected exertions will absorb the food intake faster and leave the body wanting. Supervisors or coworkers can be very quick to raise speculation of laziness when the body’s reserves get used up and further nourishment is required. Whether working low end or respectable jobs, I always gave everything I had when I had it. This almost never seemed enough to compensate for genuine times of need. Too often, the end result was political workplace failings. Too often, I would push past the physical limitations, which exposed the psychological failings of the condition. This has cost me several jobs over the years. The best recourse was to work independently whenever possible, so I could surge ahead when able and recharge when necessary.
Monday, October 22, 2012
Feeling it Out: Low Life
The confusing contrast between my blood sugar numbers and how it feels is that the numbers are high but the feel is most often low. Think the numbers crept up over time, despite the daily critical lows and my habit of not letting things remain at high feelings.
Admittedly, my system was poor blood sugar control, mostly because I was always reacting to the sugar rather than actively managing it. I still tend to do this. The diabetic recommendation of stopping to eat small meals six to eight times per day is not practical and not one employers would ever favor.
I maintain those bad habits. Even when trying to "live better," I revert to the old ways without noticing. I’m Type A personality with some level of attention deficit disorder. Get too engrossed in what I am doing and want to get just one more thing done before I eat. I lose track of time when I get absorbed in what I am doing. Stopping to eat seems counterproductive, inefficient, and can be interpreted as a form of lazy slacking to coworkers.
The dangerous result of waiting for signs of low blood sugar before eating is a tendency to overcompensate and eat too much. This can create a roller coaster effect of highs and lows. When control any urges to overcompensate, I sometimes stay at a perpetual low throughout the day and can’t seem to raise the sugar level to a healthy feeling
In the days of pork and beef insulin, they physical symptoms of low sugar would give me clear indication that I needed to get something in my system. Those days are long gone to the interests of the pharmaceutical companies’ manufacturing agendas. The humulin varieties, perhaps because they do work in the body more like "real" insulin, show their first signs in me through mood.
Contrary to the impression other people get, (in part because I don’t often take shit that happens because someone else just wants to dole out shit for the sheer love of shit or self-centeredness at other peoples’ expense,) I don’t have any anger management issues. Things that would get other people angry are things I can deal with in a level-headed, often stoic way. I’m actually good to have around in a crisis.
Frustration is something else entirely. I do have frustration management issues, and I cannot hide these when my sugar levels are down.If I print a novel manuscript and realize the ink ran out and most of it has to be reprinted, I would sigh "Oh, damn it," and get to work on changing the cartridge and reprinting. No emotional reaction. But if I have been typing a manuscript for too long and the sugar has fallen, every successive type I make because a point of frustration. The repetition builds, and with it, the frustration. The reaction is not Oh, damn." There’s a horrible biochemical reaction and I become insane. The "damn" becomes shouted streams of language that would make sailors and the dockside whores who service them blush. If I get stubborn and stupid and insist on finishing what I was doing before eating, I can turn violent against inanimate objects or myself. Somehow, I have a very solid mental block against turning this on other people or the innocent cats that reside with me.
This ends when I eat, but if I really lose control, guilt shame and embarrassment will linger and trigger a depressive state that may last a day or two, until the next too-low moment.
Even in the low sugar state, a major crisis will not affect me, although I am more vulnerable to people who may want to instigate because the repetitious frustrations trigger something different in me. The sugar is the key factor to that, but I do not deny that there’s some otherwise hidden character flaw involved.
Without frustrations, the dropping sugar level will proceed to the physical symptoms without the psychotic interlude.
Admittedly, my system was poor blood sugar control, mostly because I was always reacting to the sugar rather than actively managing it. I still tend to do this. The diabetic recommendation of stopping to eat small meals six to eight times per day is not practical and not one employers would ever favor.
I maintain those bad habits. Even when trying to "live better," I revert to the old ways without noticing. I’m Type A personality with some level of attention deficit disorder. Get too engrossed in what I am doing and want to get just one more thing done before I eat. I lose track of time when I get absorbed in what I am doing. Stopping to eat seems counterproductive, inefficient, and can be interpreted as a form of lazy slacking to coworkers.
The dangerous result of waiting for signs of low blood sugar before eating is a tendency to overcompensate and eat too much. This can create a roller coaster effect of highs and lows. When control any urges to overcompensate, I sometimes stay at a perpetual low throughout the day and can’t seem to raise the sugar level to a healthy feeling
In the days of pork and beef insulin, they physical symptoms of low sugar would give me clear indication that I needed to get something in my system. Those days are long gone to the interests of the pharmaceutical companies’ manufacturing agendas. The humulin varieties, perhaps because they do work in the body more like "real" insulin, show their first signs in me through mood.
Contrary to the impression other people get, (in part because I don’t often take shit that happens because someone else just wants to dole out shit for the sheer love of shit or self-centeredness at other peoples’ expense,) I don’t have any anger management issues. Things that would get other people angry are things I can deal with in a level-headed, often stoic way. I’m actually good to have around in a crisis.
Frustration is something else entirely. I do have frustration management issues, and I cannot hide these when my sugar levels are down.If I print a novel manuscript and realize the ink ran out and most of it has to be reprinted, I would sigh "Oh, damn it," and get to work on changing the cartridge and reprinting. No emotional reaction. But if I have been typing a manuscript for too long and the sugar has fallen, every successive type I make because a point of frustration. The repetition builds, and with it, the frustration. The reaction is not Oh, damn." There’s a horrible biochemical reaction and I become insane. The "damn" becomes shouted streams of language that would make sailors and the dockside whores who service them blush. If I get stubborn and stupid and insist on finishing what I was doing before eating, I can turn violent against inanimate objects or myself. Somehow, I have a very solid mental block against turning this on other people or the innocent cats that reside with me.
This ends when I eat, but if I really lose control, guilt shame and embarrassment will linger and trigger a depressive state that may last a day or two, until the next too-low moment.
Even in the low sugar state, a major crisis will not affect me, although I am more vulnerable to people who may want to instigate because the repetitious frustrations trigger something different in me. The sugar is the key factor to that, but I do not deny that there’s some otherwise hidden character flaw involved.
Without frustrations, the dropping sugar level will proceed to the physical symptoms without the psychotic interlude.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Feeling it Out: Mid Life
My experience of watching other men deal with their mid life crises had provided me experience than just with my father, who is the type who would probably deny ever having had a mid life crisis. Fathers, bosses, mentors...most ruined things for themselves in one way or another. I sought to avoid that.
I had that "what to do and how to get there" life crisis early, at high school rather than college age. It’s no surprise my mid life crisis came at 36 rather than in my 40’s. It was mild. I developed an uncharacteristic infatuation that I could not make develop. I regretted having little financial savings. I listened to other people who told me I should be taking care of myself better health-wise.
At 43, I am still shunned by the former object of my affections. My main means of savings is still home ownership and equity–always iffy in this economy. And now I am not only disabled but feel like crap.
My diet had never been bad. The sole dietary change I made was switching from real sugar to Equal in my morning coffee. I had developed the sugar habit to boost my sugar in the days when I could not actually afford to eat anything for breakfast. That had changed. The other significant change when I started "taking care of myself better" was following my GP’s guidelines of taking a much higher insulin dose at night. It made sense to me as I knew by feel that overnights were the main time I sugar would rise to uncomfortable levels.
My sugars did lower, although never to the A1C numbers my doctor wanted to see. I was no longer getting up in the night to go pee. Instead, I was not able to sleep because the sugar levels felt too low. Too high, and I don’t get good sleep because I’m off to the bathroom a few times each night. Too low, I just can’t actually fall asleep.
I still seldom find that right balance.
This past spring and summer, I made a renewed effort to get my sugars lower, no matter how I felt. The inflamed Charcot foot had further impeded my circulation enough to cause the quick and massive infection that almost cost me a toe. The night of that hospital admittance also emphasized one particular problem food that raises sugars beyond expectations. (Low fat milk, which I will address in detail before long.) I succeeded, and am feeling so much worse for it.
Here’s how the diabetic things feel these days.
My blood pressure went back to normal levels when the Charcot inflammation subsided. The reduced swelling is probably more of a by product of the prednisone I still must drop into my eye than true healing. The foot is stable, but the Crow boot is a permanent fixture due to the ankle collapse suffered from the reduced circulation. I have frequent vertigo issues, which is probably a combination of the eye maladies and reaction to blood pressure medication meant for a worse situation than I am now in. Any of the four to five eye drop medications may also play into the vertigo.
My eye is a mess and my vision is getting worse. The strobing light exams contribute to this. The eye drops reduce vision at least temporarily when taken. Debris may be built up in the silicone oil that still remains in my eye. Light sensitivity is still blinding, darkness vision is non-existent, and the "retinapathy veil" grows darker. On doctor’s instructions, I had stopped the eye pressure drops when the pressure was good, and it re-rose to scary levels, so those drops are to be continued indefinitely. The prednisone still gives stomach problems, but not as severe as they were last winter.
Long story short, I’m the mess I had sought to avoid ever becoming after re-examining life in middle age. Maybe that "male menopause" just can’t be avoided.
I had that "what to do and how to get there" life crisis early, at high school rather than college age. It’s no surprise my mid life crisis came at 36 rather than in my 40’s. It was mild. I developed an uncharacteristic infatuation that I could not make develop. I regretted having little financial savings. I listened to other people who told me I should be taking care of myself better health-wise.
At 43, I am still shunned by the former object of my affections. My main means of savings is still home ownership and equity–always iffy in this economy. And now I am not only disabled but feel like crap.
My diet had never been bad. The sole dietary change I made was switching from real sugar to Equal in my morning coffee. I had developed the sugar habit to boost my sugar in the days when I could not actually afford to eat anything for breakfast. That had changed. The other significant change when I started "taking care of myself better" was following my GP’s guidelines of taking a much higher insulin dose at night. It made sense to me as I knew by feel that overnights were the main time I sugar would rise to uncomfortable levels.
My sugars did lower, although never to the A1C numbers my doctor wanted to see. I was no longer getting up in the night to go pee. Instead, I was not able to sleep because the sugar levels felt too low. Too high, and I don’t get good sleep because I’m off to the bathroom a few times each night. Too low, I just can’t actually fall asleep.
I still seldom find that right balance.
This past spring and summer, I made a renewed effort to get my sugars lower, no matter how I felt. The inflamed Charcot foot had further impeded my circulation enough to cause the quick and massive infection that almost cost me a toe. The night of that hospital admittance also emphasized one particular problem food that raises sugars beyond expectations. (Low fat milk, which I will address in detail before long.) I succeeded, and am feeling so much worse for it.
Here’s how the diabetic things feel these days.
My blood pressure went back to normal levels when the Charcot inflammation subsided. The reduced swelling is probably more of a by product of the prednisone I still must drop into my eye than true healing. The foot is stable, but the Crow boot is a permanent fixture due to the ankle collapse suffered from the reduced circulation. I have frequent vertigo issues, which is probably a combination of the eye maladies and reaction to blood pressure medication meant for a worse situation than I am now in. Any of the four to five eye drop medications may also play into the vertigo.
My eye is a mess and my vision is getting worse. The strobing light exams contribute to this. The eye drops reduce vision at least temporarily when taken. Debris may be built up in the silicone oil that still remains in my eye. Light sensitivity is still blinding, darkness vision is non-existent, and the "retinapathy veil" grows darker. On doctor’s instructions, I had stopped the eye pressure drops when the pressure was good, and it re-rose to scary levels, so those drops are to be continued indefinitely. The prednisone still gives stomach problems, but not as severe as they were last winter.
Long story short, I’m the mess I had sought to avoid ever becoming after re-examining life in middle age. Maybe that "male menopause" just can’t be avoided.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Feeling it Out: High Life
My GP doesn’t fully understand the quirks and nuances of my sugar levels, and that seems to permanently maintain our lack of consensus on treatment. I do try to go along with his recommendations, but for me, it is more important to feel good than to be good according to numbers.
I feel good and function when my A1C runs towards 14, double the guidelines. Standard home testing numbers have run at 400 and I have felt a relative low in the blood sugar.
This isn’t normal, and I know it.
I do not let the sugars linger at levels that feel high. If I start peeing too much or get the heavy "clunky" feeling of high sugar, I take more insulin, without hesitation.
I’m not recommending this high life, but am just accounting for the slow rise in my numbers over a period of years, with note that my body adapted well to it.
Periods of sincere attempts to manage more according to my doctor’s wishes ushered in periods of not feeling well. The lowered numbers always seemed to usher in other problems, including the problems that now have me permanently disabled. I do not believe it just "caught up with me." I think the changes made me a "fragile" diabetic. The timing of bodily changes to the development of problems that led to other problems was too exact. For all the "typical" connections between the things that have afflicted me and being diabetic, none of my problems spontaneously "combusted." All of them had catalysts that can be traced outside the diabetes.
I’d love to feel healthy again, but I am too much of a realist to entertain pipe dreams. The damages are now done and there is no going back.
I talk with other diabetics I know, whether Type 1 or 2. I have yet to meet anyone who maintains proper numbers–A1C >7 and home testing at 120–who actually feels good. Most seem to get more discouraged by berating from doctors and caregivers when they can’t get their numbers to those levels. Those that do don’t feel good when or if they get there.
Average people in diabetics’ lives just don’t seem to get the delicacy of the balance.
I feel good and function when my A1C runs towards 14, double the guidelines. Standard home testing numbers have run at 400 and I have felt a relative low in the blood sugar.
This isn’t normal, and I know it.
I do not let the sugars linger at levels that feel high. If I start peeing too much or get the heavy "clunky" feeling of high sugar, I take more insulin, without hesitation.
I’m not recommending this high life, but am just accounting for the slow rise in my numbers over a period of years, with note that my body adapted well to it.
Periods of sincere attempts to manage more according to my doctor’s wishes ushered in periods of not feeling well. The lowered numbers always seemed to usher in other problems, including the problems that now have me permanently disabled. I do not believe it just "caught up with me." I think the changes made me a "fragile" diabetic. The timing of bodily changes to the development of problems that led to other problems was too exact. For all the "typical" connections between the things that have afflicted me and being diabetic, none of my problems spontaneously "combusted." All of them had catalysts that can be traced outside the diabetes.
I’d love to feel healthy again, but I am too much of a realist to entertain pipe dreams. The damages are now done and there is no going back.
I talk with other diabetics I know, whether Type 1 or 2. I have yet to meet anyone who maintains proper numbers–A1C >7 and home testing at 120–who actually feels good. Most seem to get more discouraged by berating from doctors and caregivers when they can’t get their numbers to those levels. Those that do don’t feel good when or if they get there.
Average people in diabetics’ lives just don’t seem to get the delicacy of the balance.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
The Stable System
My "lack of control" regarding my blood sugar developed over years. At the point of "taking care of myself better" circa 2005, I had stable but definite signs of old diabetic damage. Diabetes effects became opportunistic in the face of other problems that developed independently. Throughout those years I had a stable situation that resulted in good health, at the very least as defined by how I felt.
Those years of being a "better" diabetic–never a good diabetic–destabilized me. I have not felt healthy since.
I know this sounds like a load of bull poop. I can’t count how often I am told I am wrong about how I felt and how I feel. I am told that what I report just isn’t possible.
I don’t think it’s that impossible, and I can explain it with knowledge of another hobby I have mostly had to give up to being blind.
If you set up a new tropical fresh water fish tank, you have to create specific conditions that the fish find comfortable. Otherwise, they die. There’s things you shouldn’t put in the tank, there’s things you can’t put in the tank, and things you can’t put in together. There’s some fish such as tiger barbs that thrive in a new tank while your desire for something like neon tetras must wait until the tank’s enclosed system ages. You set the tank up successfully and get it off to a good start.
Time passes. Your diligence fades and you pay less attention to the tank’s ongoing water conditions. The fish in the tank continue to thrive with minimum care of filter cartridge changes and daily feeding. You stop testing the water. Some fish die by attrition. You get more of the same to maintain a school, and they die off quickly. Testing shows that the water is not healthy for the fish. You effect changes to accommodate new fish you want to add, and the changes kill all the old fish that were thriving in the "unhealthy" water. Because the bad changes had happened over time, the old fish adjusted to it.
My body was an enclosed system thriving under bad conditions. The changes I made under my GP’s guidance were textbook and statistical moves towards the way things should" be and they massively disrupted my thriving unhealthy system. The chain of events of unintended consequences directly led to the loss of the good eye and the Charcot foot.
My impossible desire isn’t going back to not taking that dose of Cialis, but going back and never putting myself under care and making those efforts to "take care of myself better." I never needed boner pills when I "wasn’t taking care of myself." Every other function worked better back then too.
My GP says that it all just caught up with me. I find the timing of the decline too perfectly coincidental to believe anything other than that the GP’s statement is just more bull poop.
Those years of being a "better" diabetic–never a good diabetic–destabilized me. I have not felt healthy since.
I know this sounds like a load of bull poop. I can’t count how often I am told I am wrong about how I felt and how I feel. I am told that what I report just isn’t possible.
I don’t think it’s that impossible, and I can explain it with knowledge of another hobby I have mostly had to give up to being blind.
If you set up a new tropical fresh water fish tank, you have to create specific conditions that the fish find comfortable. Otherwise, they die. There’s things you shouldn’t put in the tank, there’s things you can’t put in the tank, and things you can’t put in together. There’s some fish such as tiger barbs that thrive in a new tank while your desire for something like neon tetras must wait until the tank’s enclosed system ages. You set the tank up successfully and get it off to a good start.
Time passes. Your diligence fades and you pay less attention to the tank’s ongoing water conditions. The fish in the tank continue to thrive with minimum care of filter cartridge changes and daily feeding. You stop testing the water. Some fish die by attrition. You get more of the same to maintain a school, and they die off quickly. Testing shows that the water is not healthy for the fish. You effect changes to accommodate new fish you want to add, and the changes kill all the old fish that were thriving in the "unhealthy" water. Because the bad changes had happened over time, the old fish adjusted to it.
My body was an enclosed system thriving under bad conditions. The changes I made under my GP’s guidance were textbook and statistical moves towards the way things should" be and they massively disrupted my thriving unhealthy system. The chain of events of unintended consequences directly led to the loss of the good eye and the Charcot foot.
My impossible desire isn’t going back to not taking that dose of Cialis, but going back and never putting myself under care and making those efforts to "take care of myself better." I never needed boner pills when I "wasn’t taking care of myself." Every other function worked better back then too.
My GP says that it all just caught up with me. I find the timing of the decline too perfectly coincidental to believe anything other than that the GP’s statement is just more bull poop.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Relativity Theory
I generally feel very stiff at the times when my body is feeling high sugar. I say this with the acknowledgment that strictly by testing numbers, my sugar is always high. By functionality and my body will frequently disagree with testing results. This is a phenomenon of relative highs and lows. I do not home blood test. As I learned more about the home testing process as my GP tried pushing it on me, I was not able to get satisfying answers to what I should do if my body said my sugar was low and in need of food but the numbers ran in three- or four hundreds.
This happened in my GP’s office a number of years ago. He was doing the usual rant on higher sugar. I told him normally my sugars felt healthy to low and that in fact I was in an insulin peak that very moment and needed to eat. He had an assistant do a home test. My sugar was in the 400’s.
I asked how could be having the feelings of excess insulin. He only shrugged. I could only shrug at his questions. I was not exaggerating how I felt or making anything up. I had to eat something before I could feel comfortable driving home.
As my GP had no answers, I turned to the internet. The disparity was a general theory of relativity. For good or bad, I took the situation as reinforcement of my own theory of self management. My doctor considers it rationalizing my own recklessness. He does not understand how I have never been in a coma. He will not consider causes other than my "poor sugar control" for any malady or complaint that can overlap with diabetes.
I face my own experience. While I was an "uncontrolled" diabetic, I had no effects that could be attributed only to the diabetes. Some things, such as periodontal problems and the loss of vision in the right eye certainly resulted from diabetes being opportunistic of other problems, but no condition spontaneously began without influence from factors outside the diabetes. That has not remained true in the time since I have been "taking care of myself better."
Here’s my train of thoughts on this.
My baseline number may be at 450, a blood sugar number that should have other people in a coma but at which I was healthy and strong. A "good" diabetic has a baseline of 120 but home testing numbers. We take our insulin. The insulin peaks and lowers our respective blood sugar numbers by 40 points. I drop to 410 and the goodie drops to 80. My change was under 9% while the goodie suffered a 33% drop in sugar level. We’re both feeling the effects of low blood sugar, including the sweaty panic. We overcompensate, raising our blood sugar by 70 points. My new change from 410 to 480 is 17% while the goodie caused a whopping 87% change from his low of 80.
The percent of change is far more drastic to the good diabetic than to the surly bastard that is me. By these numerical statistics, the healthy diabetics are comparatively fragile diabetics.
I am not advocating that diabetics intentionally raise their numbers to levels that could kill them. My "lack of control" developed over years. At the point of "taking care of myself better" circa 2005, I had stable but definite signs of old diabetic damage and some of these became opportunistic in the face of other problems that developed independently. I had a stable situation that resulted in good health, at the very least as defined by how I felt.
Those years of being a "better" diabetic–never a good diabetic–destabilized me. I have not felt healthy since.
This happened in my GP’s office a number of years ago. He was doing the usual rant on higher sugar. I told him normally my sugars felt healthy to low and that in fact I was in an insulin peak that very moment and needed to eat. He had an assistant do a home test. My sugar was in the 400’s.
I asked how could be having the feelings of excess insulin. He only shrugged. I could only shrug at his questions. I was not exaggerating how I felt or making anything up. I had to eat something before I could feel comfortable driving home.
As my GP had no answers, I turned to the internet. The disparity was a general theory of relativity. For good or bad, I took the situation as reinforcement of my own theory of self management. My doctor considers it rationalizing my own recklessness. He does not understand how I have never been in a coma. He will not consider causes other than my "poor sugar control" for any malady or complaint that can overlap with diabetes.
I face my own experience. While I was an "uncontrolled" diabetic, I had no effects that could be attributed only to the diabetes. Some things, such as periodontal problems and the loss of vision in the right eye certainly resulted from diabetes being opportunistic of other problems, but no condition spontaneously began without influence from factors outside the diabetes. That has not remained true in the time since I have been "taking care of myself better."
Here’s my train of thoughts on this.
My baseline number may be at 450, a blood sugar number that should have other people in a coma but at which I was healthy and strong. A "good" diabetic has a baseline of 120 but home testing numbers. We take our insulin. The insulin peaks and lowers our respective blood sugar numbers by 40 points. I drop to 410 and the goodie drops to 80. My change was under 9% while the goodie suffered a 33% drop in sugar level. We’re both feeling the effects of low blood sugar, including the sweaty panic. We overcompensate, raising our blood sugar by 70 points. My new change from 410 to 480 is 17% while the goodie caused a whopping 87% change from his low of 80.
The percent of change is far more drastic to the good diabetic than to the surly bastard that is me. By these numerical statistics, the healthy diabetics are comparatively fragile diabetics.
I am not advocating that diabetics intentionally raise their numbers to levels that could kill them. My "lack of control" developed over years. At the point of "taking care of myself better" circa 2005, I had stable but definite signs of old diabetic damage and some of these became opportunistic in the face of other problems that developed independently. I had a stable situation that resulted in good health, at the very least as defined by how I felt.
Those years of being a "better" diabetic–never a good diabetic–destabilized me. I have not felt healthy since.
Friday, October 12, 2012
Intensity of Feelings
(Feeling it Out: The High Sugar, Part 2)
Unquenchable thirst and heavy urination are the most obvious feelings and signs of high sugar, but far from the only ones.
I generally feel very stiff at the times when my body is feeling high sugar. I say this with the acknowledgment that strictly by testing numbers, my sugar is always high. As discussed in the posts, the numbers and my body feeling can be contradictory. When faced with a decision over the contradictions, I would always choose to listen to my body’s demands.
When I eat dinner towards the end of my insulin cycle, my body can react quickly. I reasonable meal without a lot of sugar content can cause an uncomfortable spike in blood sugar levels, and the urination cycle will often not be the first or most apparent sign.
My ankles get particularly stiff under those circumstances. It can trigger what has been dubbed by pharmaceutical companies looking to push drugs as "restless leg syndrome." Food is in, the sugar goes up, the blood thickens, and circulation reduces. I feel no need to test when this happens. It’s easy enough to think what time it is now and when I took the last dose of insulin. The stiff ankles will always trigger after a meal consumed about 11 - 14 hours after the insulin dose, even when I have eaten very little throughout the day. When the insulin has been absorbed, it is gone and any intake will trigger a blood sugar spike.
I react by taking my evening dose of insulin. I don’t advocate that other diabetics avoid home testing because I understand the danger of the advice when misapplied. I, however, pay attention to the situational factors of my day and their effects on my diabetes.
For me, high sugar feel somewhat different when it is high from food or sugar excess than when the spike comes from the insulin having just run out or been absorbed.
High sugar from the insulin petering out is a vague discomfort. The stiffness is pronounced in the ankles and a more distant feeling elsewhere; it’s almost something that has to be specifically considered than something that would be readily noticed on its own. Thirst will not be automatic, but the tongue just doesn’t taste right and may feel thick on the surface.
I feel more intense when the sugar rises due to actual excess or having eaten something better avoided. The ankle ache won’t be a dull stiffness, but outright "cramping" pain. The overall stiffness will also have intensity enough that motor control may diminish. The tongue may taste fruity and overly sweet in that way that produces the fruity breath that is an indication of diabetes. As a child, I used to look at that last sign as a curse of how my own body would betray me to others.
These signs will usually affect me before the thirst and urination cycle begins.
I pay attention to these signs. I shoot up at first opportunity. The side effects and debilitating conditions that accompany diabetes occur from the sugar being too high. It always made sense to me not to let those feeling linger. Those aren’t comfortable feelings anyway, so I deal with them at first opportunity. Regular insulin will begin improving the feelings almost instantly.
I do not let high sugar feelings remain for long, but in years of effort, I have not been able to rectify the feelings with numbers my doctor feels comfortable with.
Whose feelings should I prioritize, my doctor’s or my own?
Unquenchable thirst and heavy urination are the most obvious feelings and signs of high sugar, but far from the only ones.
I generally feel very stiff at the times when my body is feeling high sugar. I say this with the acknowledgment that strictly by testing numbers, my sugar is always high. As discussed in the posts, the numbers and my body feeling can be contradictory. When faced with a decision over the contradictions, I would always choose to listen to my body’s demands.
When I eat dinner towards the end of my insulin cycle, my body can react quickly. I reasonable meal without a lot of sugar content can cause an uncomfortable spike in blood sugar levels, and the urination cycle will often not be the first or most apparent sign.
My ankles get particularly stiff under those circumstances. It can trigger what has been dubbed by pharmaceutical companies looking to push drugs as "restless leg syndrome." Food is in, the sugar goes up, the blood thickens, and circulation reduces. I feel no need to test when this happens. It’s easy enough to think what time it is now and when I took the last dose of insulin. The stiff ankles will always trigger after a meal consumed about 11 - 14 hours after the insulin dose, even when I have eaten very little throughout the day. When the insulin has been absorbed, it is gone and any intake will trigger a blood sugar spike.
I react by taking my evening dose of insulin. I don’t advocate that other diabetics avoid home testing because I understand the danger of the advice when misapplied. I, however, pay attention to the situational factors of my day and their effects on my diabetes.
For me, high sugar feel somewhat different when it is high from food or sugar excess than when the spike comes from the insulin having just run out or been absorbed.
High sugar from the insulin petering out is a vague discomfort. The stiffness is pronounced in the ankles and a more distant feeling elsewhere; it’s almost something that has to be specifically considered than something that would be readily noticed on its own. Thirst will not be automatic, but the tongue just doesn’t taste right and may feel thick on the surface.
I feel more intense when the sugar rises due to actual excess or having eaten something better avoided. The ankle ache won’t be a dull stiffness, but outright "cramping" pain. The overall stiffness will also have intensity enough that motor control may diminish. The tongue may taste fruity and overly sweet in that way that produces the fruity breath that is an indication of diabetes. As a child, I used to look at that last sign as a curse of how my own body would betray me to others.
These signs will usually affect me before the thirst and urination cycle begins.
I pay attention to these signs. I shoot up at first opportunity. The side effects and debilitating conditions that accompany diabetes occur from the sugar being too high. It always made sense to me not to let those feeling linger. Those aren’t comfortable feelings anyway, so I deal with them at first opportunity. Regular insulin will begin improving the feelings almost instantly.
I do not let high sugar feelings remain for long, but in years of effort, I have not been able to rectify the feelings with numbers my doctor feels comfortable with.
Whose feelings should I prioritize, my doctor’s or my own?
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Pissing the Days Away
(Feeling it Out: The High Sugar, Part 1)
The most obvious sign of high sugar is the most obvious symptom of the onset of juvenile diabetes itself the insatiable thirst and frequent to constant urination. This makes sense with basic understanding of how the body works. The body senses the excess sugar as waste material that must be purged. It makes you thirsty to give itself the raw material of water to ease and speed the removal. In Type 2 onset, this is also present as a condition and symptom, but less prominent. Not being able to sleep through the night without a need to get up and pee is one of many subtle signs.
With some but surprisingly little exaggeration, when my sugar is really high–and I do not let it stay that way–you could pretty much stand me over a toilet with a garden hose to my mouth. At a critical high I remember (caused by having forgotten to take the insulin before work and not realizing it until after having eaten) I had to go every fifteen minutes. I’ve had nighttime surges that had me awake more frequently than every hour, and more frequently than every half hour if unable to get fully back to sleep in between trips.
This is not a comfortable situation. I do not hesitate to shoot up to resolve the problem. If I get up a second time in the night ro pee, I shoot up no matter what. Often I shoot up if I wake at all without having an "innocent" cause such as having drank a lot just before bed. Most of the time, barring other issues such as insomnia, I sleep through. I feel healthy when I do that.
This is part of the very difficult balancing act. Other people often do not understand the true difficulty involved in "controlling" the blood sugar and maintaining balance.
If my sugar is too low, I cannot sleep at all. A night of higher sugar does not provide restful sleep. For purposes of sleep "normal" hours in duration and the actual time, I rest best when the sugar is starting at (by feel) a somewhat elevated level but is on the way down. Daytime function can also feel best under those circumstances.
Most of my sugar control problems have been the at night, either too high or too low, one extreme or the other.
Because I have managed by feel rather than testing numbers for so long, I tend to notice changes in my system rather then effects on numbers. One of my HP’s weaknesses is a tendency to blame any symptom on the sugar instead of other possible factors. Prozac acts as a diarrhetic on my system, creating excess urine from the amount of water taken with the pill. My GP waved that off as urination due entirely to high sugar. My body says otherwise in function, particularly as that first draining after a Prozac pill tends to be very foamy.
While the thirst and urine cycle is the most obvious sign, I always note that diabetics can get thirsty or piss more for other reasons. A handful of pretzels can trigger great thirst for the salt but not actually raise the blood sugar. Diet soda can be a diarrhetic, causing urination in quantities beyond the amount of fluid consumed.
The most obvious sign of high sugar is the most obvious symptom of the onset of juvenile diabetes itself the insatiable thirst and frequent to constant urination. This makes sense with basic understanding of how the body works. The body senses the excess sugar as waste material that must be purged. It makes you thirsty to give itself the raw material of water to ease and speed the removal. In Type 2 onset, this is also present as a condition and symptom, but less prominent. Not being able to sleep through the night without a need to get up and pee is one of many subtle signs.
With some but surprisingly little exaggeration, when my sugar is really high–and I do not let it stay that way–you could pretty much stand me over a toilet with a garden hose to my mouth. At a critical high I remember (caused by having forgotten to take the insulin before work and not realizing it until after having eaten) I had to go every fifteen minutes. I’ve had nighttime surges that had me awake more frequently than every hour, and more frequently than every half hour if unable to get fully back to sleep in between trips.
This is not a comfortable situation. I do not hesitate to shoot up to resolve the problem. If I get up a second time in the night ro pee, I shoot up no matter what. Often I shoot up if I wake at all without having an "innocent" cause such as having drank a lot just before bed. Most of the time, barring other issues such as insomnia, I sleep through. I feel healthy when I do that.
This is part of the very difficult balancing act. Other people often do not understand the true difficulty involved in "controlling" the blood sugar and maintaining balance.
If my sugar is too low, I cannot sleep at all. A night of higher sugar does not provide restful sleep. For purposes of sleep "normal" hours in duration and the actual time, I rest best when the sugar is starting at (by feel) a somewhat elevated level but is on the way down. Daytime function can also feel best under those circumstances.
Most of my sugar control problems have been the at night, either too high or too low, one extreme or the other.
Because I have managed by feel rather than testing numbers for so long, I tend to notice changes in my system rather then effects on numbers. One of my HP’s weaknesses is a tendency to blame any symptom on the sugar instead of other possible factors. Prozac acts as a diarrhetic on my system, creating excess urine from the amount of water taken with the pill. My GP waved that off as urination due entirely to high sugar. My body says otherwise in function, particularly as that first draining after a Prozac pill tends to be very foamy.
While the thirst and urine cycle is the most obvious sign, I always note that diabetics can get thirsty or piss more for other reasons. A handful of pretzels can trigger great thirst for the salt but not actually raise the blood sugar. Diet soda can be a diarrhetic, causing urination in quantities beyond the amount of fluid consumed.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Blood Sugar Downer
The change in Wal-Mart generic insulin manufacture has brought more frequent periods of discomfort with "low" sugar levels. I use quotes on "low" as acknowledgment that this is by feel, not by blood testing numbers.
Overall the sugar has felt lower with the Novolin than it had been with the Humulin formula. Since the toe problem that landed me in the hospital in the spring, I was making a concentrated effort for an overall lowering of the blood sugar. The change in insulin seems to have made a sharper change in that direction, unfortunately at a time when I was looking to slowly raise it again so I would feel overall better health.
People, including my GP, do not understand that last statement. Diabetics do. I do not feel as good when the sugars are lower. Diabetics who are good doobies and paint by numbers also report that they feel less well when their sugars are at better numbers. I’m still waiting for that lucky day when I meet a doctor who understands that how a patient feels is somewhat more important than what test numbers statistically say about their health. At least two of the three other diabetics with whom I have most recently spoken with in general terms report that they primary care givers and/or diabetic specialists have railed against missed target numbers without regard to how the patients were actually feeling, so I am not holding my breath on meeting the more compassionate and logical doctor. Both of those acquaintances were discouraged that no effort seems enough.
I have never recovered the feelings of wellness and functionality I possessed prior to "taking care of myself better." By the full chains of events, I would not be blind nor crippled by the collapsed ankle via Charcot foot if I had not started taking care of myself better. I My numbers had risen again and things got better, but never back to where they had been, even discounting the blind thing and the cripple thing.
I did make a renewed effort on my own after this spring’s hospitalization. The Charcot foot had nearly totally impeded circulation in the foot, allowing for the sudden infection and almost instantaneous gangrene and the collapse of the bone structure that has permanently impaired my ankle. My largest steps were to eliminate as much of the big (and hidden) source of sugar in my diet as possible, and letting my sugar levels stay at critically low feeling longer than I usually would.
I don’t need an A1C test to know I have succeeded. I don’t feel as well as I did prior to the hospitalization. Fatigue is constant. When the sugar hits a low feel level, the physical symptoms hit much sooner after the temperament issues than they used to. Those temperament issues are more severe and the "calm" times between are periods of severe depression that is biochemically impacted beyond the constant "useless gimp" feelings that are situational depression that anyone would feel in my situation. My thoughts are usually slower. I tire more easily. Stamina is gone. Neuropathy burns are more frequent. The depression had reached such an abyss that I found no choice other than to resume antidepressants.
Does this sound like healthier living?
It sure don’t feel like it.
Overall the sugar has felt lower with the Novolin than it had been with the Humulin formula. Since the toe problem that landed me in the hospital in the spring, I was making a concentrated effort for an overall lowering of the blood sugar. The change in insulin seems to have made a sharper change in that direction, unfortunately at a time when I was looking to slowly raise it again so I would feel overall better health.
People, including my GP, do not understand that last statement. Diabetics do. I do not feel as good when the sugars are lower. Diabetics who are good doobies and paint by numbers also report that they feel less well when their sugars are at better numbers. I’m still waiting for that lucky day when I meet a doctor who understands that how a patient feels is somewhat more important than what test numbers statistically say about their health. At least two of the three other diabetics with whom I have most recently spoken with in general terms report that they primary care givers and/or diabetic specialists have railed against missed target numbers without regard to how the patients were actually feeling, so I am not holding my breath on meeting the more compassionate and logical doctor. Both of those acquaintances were discouraged that no effort seems enough.
I have never recovered the feelings of wellness and functionality I possessed prior to "taking care of myself better." By the full chains of events, I would not be blind nor crippled by the collapsed ankle via Charcot foot if I had not started taking care of myself better. I My numbers had risen again and things got better, but never back to where they had been, even discounting the blind thing and the cripple thing.
I did make a renewed effort on my own after this spring’s hospitalization. The Charcot foot had nearly totally impeded circulation in the foot, allowing for the sudden infection and almost instantaneous gangrene and the collapse of the bone structure that has permanently impaired my ankle. My largest steps were to eliminate as much of the big (and hidden) source of sugar in my diet as possible, and letting my sugar levels stay at critically low feeling longer than I usually would.
I don’t need an A1C test to know I have succeeded. I don’t feel as well as I did prior to the hospitalization. Fatigue is constant. When the sugar hits a low feel level, the physical symptoms hit much sooner after the temperament issues than they used to. Those temperament issues are more severe and the "calm" times between are periods of severe depression that is biochemically impacted beyond the constant "useless gimp" feelings that are situational depression that anyone would feel in my situation. My thoughts are usually slower. I tire more easily. Stamina is gone. Neuropathy burns are more frequent. The depression had reached such an abyss that I found no choice other than to resume antidepressants.
Does this sound like healthier living?
It sure don’t feel like it.
Feeling it Out: Wal-Mart Generic Insulin Change
With a few more weeks of (mostly) twice daily dosages under my skin, I think there are larger differences to the Novo Nordisk manufactured Novolin from the generic it replaced, Eli Lilly Company Humulin. I report these changes from feel, not from home monitoring of blood sugar numbers. I am also talking about the time release "N" variety and have not begun using the instant "R."
The Novolin seems to peak less often in the day. The humulin would spurt in several times over twelve hours and then it was just gone, fully absorbed and needing replenishment. The Novolin peaks are stronger than the humulin peaks. This makes sense with the lesser frequency of peaks.
The first surge is strongest and is not always easily leveled.
The Novolin lasts longer than the 12 hours I was used to with the humulin. That strength of the first peak after the injection may be that the first of the latest injection is combining with the last of the prior injection.
The change has brought more frequent periods of discomfort with "low" sugar levels. Overall I feel that the sugar is lower than it had been with the humulin formula. Since the toe problem that landed me in the hospital in the spring, I was making a concentrated effort for an overall lowering of the blood sugar. The change in insulin seems to have made a sharper change in that direction, unfortunately at a time when I was looking to slowly raise it again so I would feel overall better health.
Diabetic patients do need to watch themselves more closely when adapting to the new generic.
The Novolin seems to peak less often in the day. The humulin would spurt in several times over twelve hours and then it was just gone, fully absorbed and needing replenishment. The Novolin peaks are stronger than the humulin peaks. This makes sense with the lesser frequency of peaks.
The first surge is strongest and is not always easily leveled.
The Novolin lasts longer than the 12 hours I was used to with the humulin. That strength of the first peak after the injection may be that the first of the latest injection is combining with the last of the prior injection.
The change has brought more frequent periods of discomfort with "low" sugar levels. Overall I feel that the sugar is lower than it had been with the humulin formula. Since the toe problem that landed me in the hospital in the spring, I was making a concentrated effort for an overall lowering of the blood sugar. The change in insulin seems to have made a sharper change in that direction, unfortunately at a time when I was looking to slowly raise it again so I would feel overall better health.
Diabetic patients do need to watch themselves more closely when adapting to the new generic.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Anniversary
My quirky mind works by association. Prior to 2009, October 6 was always my "un-birthday," the date of turning age + half. Don’t ask me why this was always so; I barely acknowledge my actual birthday.
Since 2009, 6 October has been and probably always will be the anniversary of the blood hemorrhage that made a sometimes uncomfortable life into something perpetually difficult.
I’ve been in a deep "melancholy" state of late as it is. The blog post records acknowledgment and lets me move on with the day, with my life.
Don’t ask me how I’ve done this through these bleak and darkening three years. Many times I would find myself completely unable to answer.
Today it will be concentrating on getting a fiction story or two out to editors for submission before the glare of the TV used as a computer monitor overwhelms my vision. I don’t submit stories often any more; the task is impeded by the vision and always takes time from everything else.
Perhaps that feeling of so many things left undone is the fuel I use to propel myself forward. I don’t want to look too deeply, though. The blur frustrates me when I look too hard at anything, and I am afraid the charm will lose its magic if I try to understand its workings.
Since 2009, 6 October has been and probably always will be the anniversary of the blood hemorrhage that made a sometimes uncomfortable life into something perpetually difficult.
I’ve been in a deep "melancholy" state of late as it is. The blog post records acknowledgment and lets me move on with the day, with my life.
Don’t ask me how I’ve done this through these bleak and darkening three years. Many times I would find myself completely unable to answer.
Today it will be concentrating on getting a fiction story or two out to editors for submission before the glare of the TV used as a computer monitor overwhelms my vision. I don’t submit stories often any more; the task is impeded by the vision and always takes time from everything else.
Perhaps that feeling of so many things left undone is the fuel I use to propel myself forward. I don’t want to look too deeply, though. The blur frustrates me when I look too hard at anything, and I am afraid the charm will lose its magic if I try to understand its workings.
Untested Theory
I do not test my blood sugars for reasons that make logical sense to me, including the hastening of neuropathy problems in the fingers and moral outrage that pharmaceutical companies’ financial interests take priority in this country over the long term interests of patients. Other alternatives exist but are suppressed for the profitability of test strips and lancets. I am not alone in this; one of the doctors I saw about a specialized problem in the past year is a Type 2 diabetic who also does not home test. Like me, he relies on A1C tests to gauge his progress or lack thereof.
Readers, however, should keep in mind some things about this (non) practice. The first is that I fell into it out of necessity during financially destitute times, not an intentional rebellion from the inescapable status of being diabetic. I had been diabetic for fifteen or more years by that time and paid attention to what my body would tell me.
Non-testing could be dangerous to those who can’t or won’t pay attention to their bodies’ telltale signals and I do not advocate the practice even while discussing it. Knowing the signs can take time, so newer diabetics need to go through the regimen up until a time that other home testing alternatives are made available.
I stopped even urine testing due to financial constraints sometime around 1989 to 1990 and managed the sugar by feel. One key aspect of this, something I had to "unlearn" from prior diabetic education and parental control. In that abandoned approach, the theory impressed on me was that the insulin was taken only at certain times and the rest of your life was to be planned around that until the nest scheduled dose. I think most people can imagine the post high school difficulties in this, with college schedules and variable work schedules. Employers certainly understood it: I had been told outright in 1987 that I would not have been hired if the boss had known I was diabetic. Wonder how many bosses since just never said so outright after such statements became illegal.
The new approach I adopted was to react to what my body told me. This is not just a matter of eating when my body said it needed food, but shooting up with more insulin if my body said it needed that. This had not been an approved method of treatment growing up. Starving the patient was the directive on food, and taking insulin outside the approved times was also not allowed. This mentality left me with long stretches of feeling uncomfortable and probably triggered some aspects of old bodily damage.
My refusal to test my sugars outside occasional A1C lab tests (the same method that doctor I mentioned uses) does not equal not taking care of myself or emotional denial of my condition. I feel uncomfortable whenever the body feels that the sugar is too high or too low, and will make efforts to moderate extreme feelings.
But as I managed by feel for more than two decades, my body diverged entirely from the medically approved number scales of any blood testing. I feel good at what are considered to be horrifically dangerous numbers. Any and all efforts to control the sugar by the numbers has resulted in the manifestation of side effects and complications. I felt healthier when I was a purely "bad diabetic" by professional standards. In the decades of no testing, even by A1C, my body regulated itself to a place it wanted to be and I could fully function in every way, but the numbers rose to levels that make my GP wonder why I had never been in a coma. I had managed by feel and in light of the problems that have developed as a result of "taking care of myself better," I wish I had stayed with the "lifestyle" that had worked so well for me for so long.
Readers, however, should keep in mind some things about this (non) practice. The first is that I fell into it out of necessity during financially destitute times, not an intentional rebellion from the inescapable status of being diabetic. I had been diabetic for fifteen or more years by that time and paid attention to what my body would tell me.
Non-testing could be dangerous to those who can’t or won’t pay attention to their bodies’ telltale signals and I do not advocate the practice even while discussing it. Knowing the signs can take time, so newer diabetics need to go through the regimen up until a time that other home testing alternatives are made available.
I stopped even urine testing due to financial constraints sometime around 1989 to 1990 and managed the sugar by feel. One key aspect of this, something I had to "unlearn" from prior diabetic education and parental control. In that abandoned approach, the theory impressed on me was that the insulin was taken only at certain times and the rest of your life was to be planned around that until the nest scheduled dose. I think most people can imagine the post high school difficulties in this, with college schedules and variable work schedules. Employers certainly understood it: I had been told outright in 1987 that I would not have been hired if the boss had known I was diabetic. Wonder how many bosses since just never said so outright after such statements became illegal.
The new approach I adopted was to react to what my body told me. This is not just a matter of eating when my body said it needed food, but shooting up with more insulin if my body said it needed that. This had not been an approved method of treatment growing up. Starving the patient was the directive on food, and taking insulin outside the approved times was also not allowed. This mentality left me with long stretches of feeling uncomfortable and probably triggered some aspects of old bodily damage.
My refusal to test my sugars outside occasional A1C lab tests (the same method that doctor I mentioned uses) does not equal not taking care of myself or emotional denial of my condition. I feel uncomfortable whenever the body feels that the sugar is too high or too low, and will make efforts to moderate extreme feelings.
But as I managed by feel for more than two decades, my body diverged entirely from the medically approved number scales of any blood testing. I feel good at what are considered to be horrifically dangerous numbers. Any and all efforts to control the sugar by the numbers has resulted in the manifestation of side effects and complications. I felt healthier when I was a purely "bad diabetic" by professional standards. In the decades of no testing, even by A1C, my body regulated itself to a place it wanted to be and I could fully function in every way, but the numbers rose to levels that make my GP wonder why I had never been in a coma. I had managed by feel and in light of the problems that have developed as a result of "taking care of myself better," I wish I had stayed with the "lifestyle" that had worked so well for me for so long.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Burns and Blood
It’s easy to confuse the specifics among generalities and similarities. I have caught myself doing this recently in causes and effects within my legs. I don’t think aspects of this mistake hit the blog, but it’s better to be clear.
A diabetic is inclined to have many problems with their extremities. My earliest side effects of being diabetic related to my legs below the knee. My lower legs easily cut or scrape with the slightest aggravating touch. These minor mishaps generally heal well but do scar easily. The other longstanding sign is caused by my good habit of protecting my feet with constant covering of quality socks. I should all along have been using socks that did not constrict around my ankles as much. I should have been choosing socks with less upper elasticity. The tighter socks had a tendency to rub constantly on my legs. My legs could rival the hairiness of a spider’s legs, except that socks tend to shear away hairs along the lower shins and ankles. The natural indent behind the knobby bone of the ankle maintains a tuft of hair because the socks stretch over the area rather than rub against it.
These quirks result from diabetics’ reduced circulation. Neuropathy is a completely different affects the same areas as reduced circulation, but is a completely different thing. Neuropathy is a condition of the nervous system. Circulation is blood flow. Reduced circulation hinders the main function of the blood stream: delivering oxygen throughout the body.
Neuropathy causes different problems. Usually the first sign is reduced sensations of touch and feeling. The diabetic may not feel minor cuts or other injuries to the feet and lower legs and the hands. This can be dangerous as unknown injuries will remain untreated. The poor circulation conspires with the neuropathy to raise these risks of infection and gangrene, as I perilously learned last May, as recounted in most of the entries under the "Sturdy Hospital" label.
The second most common sign of neuropathy is burning sensations. This generally occurs as the problem advances. It feels as though someone took a wooden match, lit it, then pressed it against my skim. The burns may throbs. I never had this problem until after "taking care of myself better" by working with my GP starting in 2005.
The burns will often throb in time with my pulse, and may synchronize with points of pain in different locations. The pain is not generally constant, and occurs more often at night. It can manifest from the toetips and up the legs to the waist.
My sugars have been up and down over the past few years in self-comparison. Oddly enough, I feel the burns when my A1C blood tests are higher.
A diabetic is inclined to have many problems with their extremities. My earliest side effects of being diabetic related to my legs below the knee. My lower legs easily cut or scrape with the slightest aggravating touch. These minor mishaps generally heal well but do scar easily. The other longstanding sign is caused by my good habit of protecting my feet with constant covering of quality socks. I should all along have been using socks that did not constrict around my ankles as much. I should have been choosing socks with less upper elasticity. The tighter socks had a tendency to rub constantly on my legs. My legs could rival the hairiness of a spider’s legs, except that socks tend to shear away hairs along the lower shins and ankles. The natural indent behind the knobby bone of the ankle maintains a tuft of hair because the socks stretch over the area rather than rub against it.
These quirks result from diabetics’ reduced circulation. Neuropathy is a completely different affects the same areas as reduced circulation, but is a completely different thing. Neuropathy is a condition of the nervous system. Circulation is blood flow. Reduced circulation hinders the main function of the blood stream: delivering oxygen throughout the body.
Neuropathy causes different problems. Usually the first sign is reduced sensations of touch and feeling. The diabetic may not feel minor cuts or other injuries to the feet and lower legs and the hands. This can be dangerous as unknown injuries will remain untreated. The poor circulation conspires with the neuropathy to raise these risks of infection and gangrene, as I perilously learned last May, as recounted in most of the entries under the "Sturdy Hospital" label.
The second most common sign of neuropathy is burning sensations. This generally occurs as the problem advances. It feels as though someone took a wooden match, lit it, then pressed it against my skim. The burns may throbs. I never had this problem until after "taking care of myself better" by working with my GP starting in 2005.
The burns will often throb in time with my pulse, and may synchronize with points of pain in different locations. The pain is not generally constant, and occurs more often at night. It can manifest from the toetips and up the legs to the waist.
My sugars have been up and down over the past few years in self-comparison. Oddly enough, I feel the burns when my A1C blood tests are higher.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Post-op Pattern
The retina reattachment procedure did not go as well as either my eye doctor or I had hoped. I dealt with that disappointment OK, all things considered.
I noticed a pattern that is giving me reason to look at things more deeply, so to speak. I have noticed a definite pattern that my eyesight gets worse. When it recovers from the visit, it does .
My theory is the light sensitivity effect. Glare is worse, sensitivity to light is worse and darkness vision is worse, all worse aftert each exam.
In these visits, they are dilating my eye and strobing the eye with very bright light. This is how the doctor is able to see the retina to note changes. I think this has the same damaging effect as staring at the sun.
I don’t see the point of going to the doctor–even this very good doctor–to be told I can’t see.
The eye is unstable, and the condition is currently made worse by the resumption of eye drops for eye pressure and the report of a cornea scratch. There’s more to the latter, and those have the texture of anchovy paste and the effect of making things worse.
I still have a procedure to go. The center of my eye is filled with silicone oil, which is meant to keep pressure on the retina to keep it in place.to be drained. My realistic hope is that the oil has gotten clouded over time and that the procedure will ewatore some acuity.
Other things to hope for are just not realistic. For me, realism always trumps optimism. The doctor wants to continue waiting before changing the silicone oil. If it is potentially creating a glaucoma problem, and if my vision worsens every time I am examined, we’re crossing the threshold of the treatment being worse than the disease.
I noticed a pattern that is giving me reason to look at things more deeply, so to speak. I have noticed a definite pattern that my eyesight gets worse. When it recovers from the visit, it does .
My theory is the light sensitivity effect. Glare is worse, sensitivity to light is worse and darkness vision is worse, all worse aftert each exam.
In these visits, they are dilating my eye and strobing the eye with very bright light. This is how the doctor is able to see the retina to note changes. I think this has the same damaging effect as staring at the sun.
I don’t see the point of going to the doctor–even this very good doctor–to be told I can’t see.
The eye is unstable, and the condition is currently made worse by the resumption of eye drops for eye pressure and the report of a cornea scratch. There’s more to the latter, and those have the texture of anchovy paste and the effect of making things worse.
I still have a procedure to go. The center of my eye is filled with silicone oil, which is meant to keep pressure on the retina to keep it in place.to be drained. My realistic hope is that the oil has gotten clouded over time and that the procedure will ewatore some acuity.
Other things to hope for are just not realistic. For me, realism always trumps optimism. The doctor wants to continue waiting before changing the silicone oil. If it is potentially creating a glaucoma problem, and if my vision worsens every time I am examined, we’re crossing the threshold of the treatment being worse than the disease.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Kidney Pie
Kidney disease as part and parcel of the entire nightmare of diabetes is easy to understand with a little knowledge of how kidneys work. In essence, they are filled with blood vessels.
Learning that simple fact also tied the connection between blood pressure and kidneys in my brain. I had not been able to grasp the logic of the kidney-blood pressure correlations even asking questions of doctors. I knew that blood pressure medications are usually also beneficial to kidney health.
The tiny blood vessels within the kidneys act as the actual filters for waste products in the blood. The kidneys expel the waste through urine.
Those facts make a lot of the diabetes connections self evident to me.
The primary symptom of high blood sugar in diabetes is severe thirst and frequent urination. The kidneys sense too much waste sugar and make you thirsty to give them the fluid they need to expel the waste at peak efficiency.
Constant high blood sugar damages blood vessels. This damage is most apparent in retinapathy and circulation. Kidneys follow closely behind these problems. Knowing that the blood vessels in the kidneys are tiny makes it quite understandable that they can be damaged easily.
High blood sugars thicken the blood. The thicker blood passes less easily, especially through smaller vessels. Like Coca-Cola that was wiped but not washed from a surface, the blood becomes sticky, and this further reduces the blood’s ability to pass freely. The smaller vessels and passageways clog. Weaker blood vessels can break, restricted vessels can increase blood pressure, and smaller vessels will clog or reduce circulation, which deprives body parts of needed oxygen.
Constant high blood sugar overworks the kidneys on a regular basis and thus can hasten damage just by effectively wearing out the kidneys with overwork. The waste products that the kidneys remove from the blood slide through "filter holes" in the kidney. The waste stays molecularly smaller than protein and healthy blood cells. Overwork of the kidneys essentially enlarges the holes over time and allows good protein molecules to pass into the urine.
The lab test for kidney function and performance is usually a simple test. The lab checks for amounts of protein in the urine. The kidneys are supposed to filter waste but retain protein. The presence of protein in the urine indicates a problem. This really is the best way to determine kidney problem at a stage where further development of the problem can be kept in check.
Other "early symptoms" of kidney disease are vague and overlaps with too many other potential problems with the body. The overlap is also high with other symptoms that diabetics may feel on a daily basis without kidney problems. These general symptoms include fatigue, poor appetite, poor concentration, insomnia or other sleeping difficulties, general weakness, and upset stomach.
The best preventative maintenance for kidneys is to drink a lot of water regularly, not just when your body says it’s thirsty.
Learning that simple fact also tied the connection between blood pressure and kidneys in my brain. I had not been able to grasp the logic of the kidney-blood pressure correlations even asking questions of doctors. I knew that blood pressure medications are usually also beneficial to kidney health.
The tiny blood vessels within the kidneys act as the actual filters for waste products in the blood. The kidneys expel the waste through urine.
Those facts make a lot of the diabetes connections self evident to me.
The primary symptom of high blood sugar in diabetes is severe thirst and frequent urination. The kidneys sense too much waste sugar and make you thirsty to give them the fluid they need to expel the waste at peak efficiency.
Constant high blood sugar damages blood vessels. This damage is most apparent in retinapathy and circulation. Kidneys follow closely behind these problems. Knowing that the blood vessels in the kidneys are tiny makes it quite understandable that they can be damaged easily.
High blood sugars thicken the blood. The thicker blood passes less easily, especially through smaller vessels. Like Coca-Cola that was wiped but not washed from a surface, the blood becomes sticky, and this further reduces the blood’s ability to pass freely. The smaller vessels and passageways clog. Weaker blood vessels can break, restricted vessels can increase blood pressure, and smaller vessels will clog or reduce circulation, which deprives body parts of needed oxygen.
Constant high blood sugar overworks the kidneys on a regular basis and thus can hasten damage just by effectively wearing out the kidneys with overwork. The waste products that the kidneys remove from the blood slide through "filter holes" in the kidney. The waste stays molecularly smaller than protein and healthy blood cells. Overwork of the kidneys essentially enlarges the holes over time and allows good protein molecules to pass into the urine.
The lab test for kidney function and performance is usually a simple test. The lab checks for amounts of protein in the urine. The kidneys are supposed to filter waste but retain protein. The presence of protein in the urine indicates a problem. This really is the best way to determine kidney problem at a stage where further development of the problem can be kept in check.
Other "early symptoms" of kidney disease are vague and overlaps with too many other potential problems with the body. The overlap is also high with other symptoms that diabetics may feel on a daily basis without kidney problems. These general symptoms include fatigue, poor appetite, poor concentration, insomnia or other sleeping difficulties, general weakness, and upset stomach.
The best preventative maintenance for kidneys is to drink a lot of water regularly, not just when your body says it’s thirsty.
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