Storm of the Eye

When November 2010 rolled around, I had settled to my new status quo of being legally blind but functional. The vitreous hemorrhage induced thirteen months before by a dose of Cialis had left me legally blind, but I could do most things, even if with great difficulty. I am a strong person, too strong by some accounts. I’d rolled with some pretty severe punches and salvaged what I could. I was writing more short fiction and getting published more. I could drive myself, at least to places where I knew where I was going without having to distract myself by looking for landmarks instead of concentrating on the side of the road. I could read with the aide of eyeglasses so powerful I could burn ants with them on sunny days. Refocusing between different lighting and distances took time, but the eyes did adjust. I was off the generic Prozac, and dealing with my handicap and my usual seasonal depression. The drug had begun to mix with life’s circumstances to give me"suicidal thoughts and feelings," so I had thought it best to stop.
I had reclaimed enough of my life to satisfy my self control and self sufficiency issues.
I lost that to a diabetic "low blood sugar, high blood pressure" moment.
This time it exceeded the biochemical rage. Something in the eye popped and a large floater let loose. My vision hazed over in a smear of gray and a large dancing chunk of a black.
It may have been scar tissue that released from the inner eye. It may have been a retinapathy thing. I called my doc at Joslin Center. He wasn’t concerned enough about it to push up my next appointment. The release of floaters, it seems, is to be expected in an eye that had been so traumatized.
The visual effect matched the cloud from the original vitreous hemorrhage, only this time in gray rather than blood red.
Driving and reading were lost to me again. When bowling, my teammates needed to tell me what pins remained standing after the first throw. The TV became indecipherable jumbles of quick motions in black and white.
The momentary loss of self control led to a more sustained period of self control and self sufficiency. The depression, now a combination of seasonal effect, helplessness, boredom, and a natural downswing of shame for the biochemical temper loss, worsened..