Biochemically Speaking

My first setback after recovering from the October 2009 Cialis-induced vitreous hemorrhage happened in November 2010. Temper loss triggered the sudden release of a massive floater. The wedge shaped dark spot had spider web tendrils and a slight cloudy aura. I saw it appear like a ghost emerging from a wall, just instantly appearing where nothing had been there moments before.
The temper loss was not a tirade, but what I call one of my "low blood sugar, high blood pressure moments. The high blood pressure came from frustration and annoyance, the low blood sugar from not eating. When those two factors combine they cause a genuine biochemical reaction. Eating fixes the problem fairly quickly, bur until I eat, I am just not right.
The floater release happened while I worked on something minor at home. The task required my close-up vision. There’s always more difficulty and frustration in that. The eyeglasses could bring things in focus, but in needing to constantly look away, the refocus time on each of too many little parts then needing to see things a distance away. Anyone who’s looked across a room through a magnifying glass know it doesn’t work. It had been a morning of constant glasses on, refocus, look, glasses off, refocus, look, refocus, etc etc etc.
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It’s easy for me to loose myself in what I am doing and loose track of time. Time loss is even more pronounced by the measure of how long it took me to do things, and I still have not relearned just how long some basic things now take. My insulin had been taken that morning and I had run into the "three hour surge" when the time release insulin first kicks in. The suddenly lowering blood sugar can make me testy.
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Add in some minor mistakes that got me in a self abusive mindset.
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The final straw came with a cat leaping on the table and "helping" by tossing around the little parts that I would never be able ton find if they hit the floor.
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Boom
I will say now in complete honesty that no companion pet or person has ever been hurt or attacked during one of my low blood sugar, high blood pressure moments. Inanimate objects, yes, many have been smashed or kicked. I have hurt myself during these biochemically imbalanced fits, including a recent serious injury. But somehow, despite the loss of almost all rationale, I’ve always directed that bloodlust rage inwardly. The cats run when I start screaming like a lunatic.
Eating corrects the imbalance, but aftereffects remain. I often need to nap to fully reset my mood. The severe swing and my shame for how I can get can trigger a bout of depression that can last for days.
The tendency to fall into those uncontrollable rages has also saddled me with some control issues. I’, not a control freak; my control issues are matters self control., at least the way I see it. Given my overall strength of personality, however, not everyone sees me that way....!....