Feeling it Out: High Life

My GP doesn’t fully understand the quirks and nuances of my sugar levels, and that seems to permanently maintain our lack of consensus on treatment. I do try to go along with his recommendations, but for me, it is more important to feel good than to be good according to numbers.
I feel good and function when my A1C runs towards 14, double the guidelines. Standard home testing numbers have run at 400 and I have felt a relative low in the blood sugar.
This isn’t normal, and I know it.
I do not let the sugars linger at levels that feel high. If I start peeing too much or get the heavy "clunky" feeling of high sugar, I take more insulin, without hesitation.
I’m not recommending this high life, but am just accounting for the slow rise in my numbers over a period of years, with note that my body adapted well to it.
Periods of sincere attempts to manage more according to my doctor’s wishes ushered in periods of not feeling well. The lowered numbers always seemed to usher in other problems, including the problems that now have me permanently disabled. I do not believe it just "caught up with me." I think the changes made me a "fragile" diabetic. The timing of bodily changes to the development of problems that led to other problems was too exact. For all the "typical" connections between the things that have afflicted me and being diabetic, none of my problems spontaneously "combusted." All of them had catalysts that can be traced outside the diabetes.
I’d love to feel healthy again, but I am too much of a realist to entertain pipe dreams. The damages are now done and there is no going back.
I talk with other diabetics I know, whether Type 1 or 2. I have yet to meet anyone who maintains proper numbers–A1C >7 and home testing at 120–who actually feels good. Most seem to get more discouraged by berating from doctors and caregivers when they can’t get their numbers to those levels. Those that do don’t feel good when or if they get there.
Average people in diabetics’ lives just don’t seem to get the delicacy of the balance.