Out of the Dark

The current setbacks are not random. My experience and attention to the problem reinforces my "crazy" theory that the standard treatment of diabetic eyes is contributing to the problem. Instead of going dark, I am having increasing problems processing light. The degradation is not random, but it is constant.
In standard check ups on diabetic eyes, the eyes are dilated with drops so the doctor can look through the widened pupil and see the retina. In this process, they strobe the eye with intense light.
I do not remember this ever being done as a child. The first such exam I remember was when I was twenty-one. I remember it specifically not just because I was blinded by the unyielding brightness into the next day. That exam marked the definite beginning of "diabetic eye condition" of light sensitivity. Things were never the same, never as comfortable, afterwards.
My recent "setbacks" in vision have all occurred after similar exams by the eye doctor who performed the retina reattachment. I say that as statement of fact and am not blaming her for the recent degradation or the lack of success for the reattachment procedure. She is examining the eye according to generally accepted practice.
She told me after the first exam she performed when I became her patient that I had the most complicated set of eye problems she had encountered. While I think the "hazing in" form of increased blindness I have been noticing is directly rooted from the retina issue, I don’t deny that other factors could be at work.
My vision is fading to bright cloud after each follow up visit. Each setback has the computer brighter, with details such as type on the screen more faded or "grayed out." Adjustment between sources of light and dark is more difficult after each visit. Any color send when looking at the bright box of the TV is further washed out for the brightness of the screen.
This became a hot issue for me this week because I tried mowing the lawn. Between shadows in the yard cast by houses and trees and even worse, changing light conditions as clouds kept blocking then releasing the sun’s direct brilliance, I was unable to do it. Never mind that the bum leg was bothering; I just simply did not have the visual acuity to see what was cut and wasn’t. My field of vision is narrowed and my range of vision really couldn’t discern much beyond the front of the mower. I just could not do it and that is gnawing at me.
I‘ll be talking to the doctor about this after the next visit, for sure. I’ll be holding onto the hope that the next procedure–draining the silicone oil out of the eye and replacing it with saline solution–will clear out any tiny matter that may be acting as "morning ground fog" in my vision. If that’s true, I will learn to content myself with prior levels of blindness as I had earlier this year. If not...well, hopefully I will continue to prove my resilience and be able to cope with that too.
It’s been a hell of a year.