Drive and Function

I did not use the boner pills that my GP had provided when I complained to him about sexual drive issues. I know myself and pay attention to how I am feeling and factors medical and emotional that would have me feeling that way. I was pretty certain that I was having drive issues, not dysfunction. My general practitioner waved this theory off and gave me a free trial of Cialis.
I tested my theory before popping any blue pills. I forced myself to watch some favorite porn. On the computer. I used the picture viewer to roll through still images at a pace that allowed them to penetrate the subconscious rather than fixating on the familiar favorites. Everything worked as well as it had before. That proved to me that the issue was not dysfunction that could be medicated, but depressive disinterest. I took none of the boner pills, not even out of curiosity or some dim witted hope that they would make it even better. I am single and unattached, so my disinterest was not something impeding or impacting anyone else. I was really OK with it.
That changed when I did start on an anti-depressant, a generic of Prozac. The Prozac lifted the deep clinical aspects of the depression. My drive returned, but the Prozac triggered actual dysfunction. Off anti-depressants, I had function without drive. On them I had drive without function. Rocks and hard places, I guess.
On 5 October 2009, in preparation for a good opportunity in the afternoon, I took on of the boner pills my GP had given me. It had only been the third time I had taken one ever, and the prior dose had been a month or more before.
On 6 October 2009, a vitreous hemorrhage dumped blood into my eye. I could see a shadow slowly rolling through my sunlight eyelid as I woke, the spread of a thick liquid rolling over my sight, not unlike many old horror movies would have blood flow the screen to black. Opening the eye brought brilliant rose colored vision. The slow flow was blood.
I’ve written about this before, in the most detail on the very earliest posts on this blog in October 2011. I have never added the details of the source of the Cialis.
I doubt that I would have ever asked about a straightforward dysfunction issue with my doctor. If so, I probably would have brought it up in question of the effects of the Prozac. He probably would have told me the problem had nothing to do with the drug, but was all because I am diabetic and solely because I am diabetic. He has shown this attitude about other things that had overlap with the sugar, and he has totally waved off legitimate questions about potential side effects of other drugs he or his office has prescribed, both before and after the hemorrhage.
I point no finger at my GP for my blindness, even though the storm of problems would not have begun without that free sample of Cialis. I blame myself for taking it. I blame Eli Lilly and Company and the other boner pill manufacturers for downplaying and suppressing this horrifying side effect. I am not above pointing fingers, but I never do so casually or defensively. The aim of the fingers I do point is very accurate. I’m not sure enough about this situation.
Blaming my GP would be one things. I can avoid the impulse because I do not believe he had any awareness of the potential problem. I do think that maybe he should have had that awareness.
While I don’t blame him, neither do I trust him. There, I think, rests some friends’ argument that I should look for a new GP.