Difficult

I’ve been dealing with the difficulties of being blind since October 2009, and dealing with the difficulties of the bad foot since the autumn of 2011. The dealing had been primarily difficult because neither situation had been stable or consistent and have been more difficult because the two problems make dealing with the other even harder.
Most people who know me seem to be of the opinion that I am dealing with things remarkably well, "better than I would be." This is probably true. I am stubbornly resilient. Qualities that other people have found difficult or off putting have carried me through. Through the years, I could have worked on being a kinder, gentler person, but somehow I doubt any friends this might have made would particularly be there for me now; changing who you are or appear to be seldom gains you much in the long term. People who need that level of ingratiation seldom make loyal friends.
I have not been one in adulthood to particularly care about what other people say or do. I’ve always tried to remain aware of the talk and opinions around me, but I haven’t put much stock in them I’ve never been one of the sheep ion a mindless flock and never wanted to be a cliff-diving lemming. When I was a young child, I just wanted to do what interested me and didn’t have the social skills to totally sacrifice those things in order to pretend care about the interests of the group. As an older child and an adult, I have a strong habit for making up my own mind about things and people. This can still be a social barrier, and the result is that I often have strongly liked unpopular people and strongly disliked some very popular ones when I found that the glittery shine if their personality did not penetrate to their character. This, for me, falls into the philosophy of never smile .at the crocodile just because it looks like he’s smiling at you. The crocodile will consume you. I’m a bit aloof, but strive to treat people well and, most importantly by my seemingly incomprehensible standards, treat people fairly. I’m honest, and that is not the endearing quality your mother indicated it would be. Most people respond best to hearing what they want to hear. I want to hear the truth, not empty agreement or what someone else thinks I want to hear. I don’t expect anyone to agree with me on everything, and don’t respond to others’ expectations that I agree with them.
That really sums up my inter-personal tendencies to be a loner or only at the peripheral of small groups. It also explains my part in difficulties with doctors.
Doctors need to be honest. I see through the croc smiles when their advise is more of a benefit to the business of their practice as opposed to my long term well being.
These things can make me a "difficult" patient or person, but they are elements of the core strength of character without which I don’t think I would have been able to blindly limp along this far.